Smiling Assassin Productions

No Newt is Good Newts!

2012-01-15T14:53:00.000-08:00

Check out our latest addition to our Cafe Press store and show the world how you feel!

Our latest product will help you convey exactly how you feel about the candidates. Proudly display your opinion with our "No Newt is good newts" button. Choose regular-sized or mini button versions at our site by clicking this link.

Are you "Mad-as-Hell" and don't want to take it anymore?

Show the world how you feel about rich politicians, corrupt political parties and politics in general--buy and wear one of our tee-shirts or buttons with pride!

Now available at
Our Cafe Press Store

(Click the link above to browse and purchase. We will be updating the store with new products and welcome your suggestions.)

A Boy Wizard & Friends

2011-12-18T11:43:00.000-08:00

Something for all the "Harry Potter" fans out there: These peg dolls of the magically talented heroes are available from us on a commission basis. Do you want to play with "Larry Cotter, Don Beasley and Henrietta Gardner" against the dark forces - or do you have a friend who does? Why not drop us a line and commission your own set!

Check out our "Original Artwork" and "Special Orders" pages (links above) for more information and examples of artwork we've made for others.

Doctor Who - Slush Vat Castle

2011-11-02T15:45:00.000-07:00

The scene - An old, abandoned castle, somewhere off the coast of Britain. For long years it was left to decay, a lonely haunt of seabirds and ghosts, until one day, it was bought by a company who repurposed it for their own nefarious schemes...

Now it has a visitor, "who" is intent on discovering its deep, dark secret. What strange and noxious chemicals surge through the pipes? Who - or what - is being created in the vat the other side of the door? Many macabre tales can be told of this place. Now you can place your own tales between these decorative bookends. Suitable for books, DVDs, CDs, and video games.

Constructed of engineering-grade plaster and resin, these bookends measure 4 1/2" square by 5" tall, and are lined with green felt to prevent scratches. Handmade in the USA, not mass-produced. Each set is unique, and makes a one-of-a kind gift to the sci-fi nerd on your holiday list. Figure not included.

All items sent with delivery confirmation within the US. If ordering from overseas, or with another item, please await invoice for combined shipping & handling. Find this and other items at our Etsy store.

Welcome to the Worlds of the Smiling Assassin...

2011-06-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

...and welcome to the creative minds behind some of the most original and functional SF/fantasy, steampunk, gaming or fan inspired art you've ever seen.

Please feel free to contact us for details and tell us what you desire most.

Some news!

2011-03-17T09:43:00.001-07:00

My apologies for the long absence in posting here, but I've been rather busy with an exciting new development.

The Hetzenberg Chronicles has been accepted by Summerhouse Publishing for worldwide release in eformat!

Not only that, as seen above, the cover art for the first volume of the Chronicles, Prelude to War gets a spiffy new makeover! The original version is still available through Amazon subsidiary CreateSpace.

The second volume, The Heat of Battle is now going through pre-production and will appear in print sometime this spring.

Meanwhile, the adventures of Mary Amadeus et al will continue here as I find time.

Watch this space!

Pocket Personalities from Smiling Assassin

2011-01-12T09:25:00.000-08:00

Announcing a new venture by Theophilus Saxe's Emporium to commemorate the 150th Anniversary of the American Civil War! Our Pocket Personalities range depicts a Union and Confederate soldier, along with General U. S. Grant and Robert E. Lee!

Check them out

Theophilus Saxe's Emporium on Etsy!

Check out the rest of our range on YouTube and meet Mark Twain and his friends!

Hetzenberg Special!

2010-11-13T08:38:00.000-08:00

A holiday special announcement!

The print version of the Hetzenberg Chronicles, Volume One: Prelude to War
is now available worldwide at Amazon for just $12.95!

Limited time offer to midnight December 31, 2010!

Our new video catalog!

2010-11-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hey! We just finished our first Smiling Assassin video catalog! Check it out!

Moving on...

2010-10-19T14:48:00.000-07:00

As a professional writer, under contract to two publishing houses, with six full-length novels and one novella published, believe me, I am fully prepared to accept either bouquets or brickbats when I send my work into the world. I'm fortunate in that my writing has attracted far more of the former than the latter. When a review of my work is negative, it is usually done in a considered and professional manner, and concentrates on the book and not the author's personal life. Even so, I can absorb the criticism.

I've accepted the review process as outlined in Battlegames magazine is as it is. Apart from one important issue connected to the review of the Hetzenberg Chronicles which I've raised with the editor directly, I'm going to move on from here.

My heartfelt thanks to all who support me in this matter. Rest assured, the Chronicles will continue! Even as we speak, the mighty engines of creativity are turning. We hope to have Volume 2: The Heat of War out in time for Christmas. Watch this space...

The Hetzenberg Chronicles in the news

2010-10-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the middle of the night my name must have changed. This from the book review of The Hetzenberg Chronicles, vol. 1, as printed in issue 23 of Battlegames magazine.

"...Mr Mitchell clearly had enormous fun writing this book and his enthusiasm for his characters is obvious, but alas, not contagious. The lack of either any wargames background or historical verisimilitude make it hard to think of anyone to whom I could honestly recommend this book." --John Preece

Hello? Excuse me? Mr. Mitchell? Who he?

A writing friend, an award-winning book reviewer for print and online publications, and who has been quoted in Publisher's Review on more than one occasion, upon reading this review states:

It appears that the editor of this publication doesn't proof his book reviewers' articles--as seen by the reviewer calling you by a different last name. What is more troubling, is it is obvious that the "reviewer" didn't read your book at all or at least not in its entirety. He seems to be copying details from the blurb on the back cover and possibly picked up something from your blog, but he doesn't authoratively discuss the plot, the characterizations or the over-all tone of the piece. (He does seem to have an ax to grind against "historical romance" or novels in general. Where did he come up with this idea your book is a romance anyhow? I'd classify it as "historical fiction" since Imaginations are a "fictional" concept as you explained it to me.) I find this "review" very sloppy journalism, and paints all of us who write professional book reviews as incompetents. I mean, how can you trust this person's opinion (and by extension, the magazine's) on anything if they can't 1) bother to proofread articles for inaccuracies before publication, and 2) they don't insist on their "reviewers" reading the entire book before reviewing it. Very disappointing on the whole.

So what would you do in my place? As the quote above says, it's very disappointing. I had hoped to receive an honest review from someone who would see this as a novel and not a dedicated wargames publication full of rules, background data etc. How do you feel if you've read the review -- do you think this reviewer has 1) read the book 2) has an axe to grind against novels in general and romance in particular (and why did he assume the book is an historical romance? Anyone who has read the book would know it isn't). 3) I can understand publisher Henry Hyde had some personal troubles to deal with recently, but why did Battlegames magazine let this pass un-copyedited?

I am rather hurt by this, and don't know if I should pursue the matters outlined above with Battlegames or not. At the moment I'm working on the next volume of The Hetzenberg Chronicles - The Heat of Battle - but such a "review" from a respected magazine doesn't make it easy to continue. Any help or advice you fans of the Hetzenberg Chronicles can give will be appreciated.

Thanks for reading and for your support,

A J Matthews - not Mitchell!

ARCHON 34

2010-09-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

It's coming up to the weekend of ARCHON 34 in St. Louis, Missouri and my wife and I will both be there. I'll be exhibiting some of my work in the art show and we're both scheduled to be on panels throughout the event. It's shaping up to be an exciting time in a new venue at Westport Plaza and we're both looking forward to it. In the meantime, here're a few shots of my work. Hope you enjoy.

Commander Hugh R. Hardleigh-Worthit and companion in their Spottiswode-Gallant Exploration Engine Mk1

Gothic bookends with hidden compartment.

The Pool of Doom.

Doctor Who - and a message...

The Colonel, Commander Hardleigh-Worthit and District Commissioner Carstairs investigate an African village.

The Spottiswode-Gallant Steam Exploration Vehicle (Heavy) Mk1

Defeating the Slushpile Monster - Out Now!

2010-05-24T13:44:00.001-07:00

Cover art by Aiden Malloy

* * *

According to a recent National Education Association's Reading at Risk study, 15 million Americans have attempted some kind of "creative writing". Very few of these writers have had their work successfully published.

Are you one of them? Want to improve your chances?

Defeating the Slushpile Monster is a funny guide for serious writers. It will make you laugh while you learn how to improve your manuscript's chances of surviving the arduous submission process. Find out how "Only You Can Prevent Formatting Follies" and how to avoid those "Prose Pile-Ups on Publication Road". After all, every writer longs for a "happily ever after" ending, right?

Bonus: Included in this edition, Straight Answers to Tough Writing Questions.

Buy it here!

Spring Sale on PDF!

2010-03-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

The Hetzenberg Chronicles,
volume 1: Prelude to War
is out now in Print!
Buy it here!

The year is Seventeen-hundred and frozen-stiff...

In the space between European empires two small nations hover on the brink of war. As great men on both sides ponder the future, a secret agent and two unconventional women are about to make their mark.

The Convent of St. Ungulant is home to Sister Mary Amadeus, a nun with a passion for blowing things up, and her best friend Ursula Reitzell, a bold and beautiful novice. Little does Mary A suspect her friend is a spy in the employ of Hetzenberg secret agent Konrad Beckenbaur. Little does Konrad suspect Ursula hides a secret that will light the fuse for war.

When fate calls the three are swept up in events that lead them through moments of high terror and drama, comedy and pathos. Will their combined talents for explosives and mayhem see them through?

The Hetzenberg Chronicles Volume 1:

Prelude to War

Buy it also in pdf e-format
for only $4.95!
(PayPal only)
Send an email to:-
asap.productions3(AT)gmail.com

Coming soon!

2010-02-28T11:59:00.001-08:00

The print version of
the Hetzenberg Chronicles, vol 1: Prelude to War
will be on sale from tomorrow!

STOP PRESS!!!

2010-02-19T13:44:00.000-08:00

Or rather, Start press! I'm happy to say the final proof copy of the Hetzenberg Chronicles arrived today and I approved it only minutes ago!

As you can see above it all looks very spiffy, and will be on sale in approx. fifteen days time. I'll post a link to Amazon's CreateSpace site when it's ready to go! Thank you one and all for your patience while the creative process was underway.

Trials & tribulations overcome!

2010-02-12T14:01:00.000-08:00

I think I may have mentioned working to produce a book in print form is no picnic. If my recent experience is anything to go by, if it was a picnic it'd be one well-visited by ants, wasps and other creepy-crawlies!

Still, the proofing is done and submitted to the printers. I just have to wait now for the next stage.

Have a happy Presidents' Day weekend, everybody!

On the way!

2010-02-01T19:07:00.001-08:00

Finally! All the problems with the cover art have been solved (my thanks to Elaine Lanmon for her help and advice!). A proof copy of the Hetzenberg Chronicles, volume one is on order. I'll post a photo of the glorious tome when it arrives! Watch this space...

Work in progress

2010-01-09T17:01:00.000-08:00

Having explored several options, I decided on a printer for the Hetzenberg Chronicles. The first steps are complete. All being well the print version should be out soon! Check here for details on release dates. Meantime, here's another great - if slightly tongue-in-cheek - review of the Chronicles.

"Stirring, non-stop action! With the mustached rogues, 10 inch mortars and naughty nuns, you won't be able to put this book down. I changed rules sets straight away!"

James, Québec, Canada

Thank you, James!

The pdf version is available now at just $5.95. PayPal accepted only.
Contact: asap.productions3(AT)gmail.com
(Substitute @ for (AT))
A copy will be dispatched within 24 hours.

On sale now!

2009-12-15T07:50:00.000-08:00

So here it is, Volume One of the Hetzenberg Chronicles! It contains new material, is professionally copy-edited, and comes in Adobe .pdf format. A print version will appear soon!

To order a copy of the .pdf just send payment of $5.95 via PayPal to:-

asap.productions3(AT)gmail.com
(replace (AT) with @ )

The copy will then be sent to you.

Watch this space or the Hetzenberg Blog for further details of releases!

Published tomorrow!

2009-12-14T11:25:00.000-08:00

The year is seventeen-hundred-and-frozen-stiff...

The Hetzenberg Chronicles Volume 1:

Prelude to War

With great pleasure I announce the .pdf version of The Hetzenberg Chronicles will go on sale tomorrow, priced at $5.95! Orders will be taken from 9am central time onward, and a zip file of the Chronicles sent by return email. Watch this space for further ordering details tomorrow!

Steampunk exploration vehicle sold!

2009-11-22T18:40:00.000-08:00

As indicated above, the model vehicle has now been sold. I'm open to commissions, so if anyone would like a similar vehicle, drop me a line.

kirbycane822AThotmail.com

A new poll.

2009-11-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

Final preparations to publish the Chronicles are in hand. Such is the flexibility of modern publishing I can now ask for the format readers would like to see. Check out the poll on the left. Feel free to leave me comments on the price you'd be willing to pay, and any other ideas or suggestions you may have. Any short reviews or blurbs you'd like to give on the Chronicles as they were published here are welcome.

Steampunk-ish exploration vehicle

2009-11-03T08:39:00.000-08:00

A scratch-built offering here, constructed in 25/28mm scale. Composed of card and foamcore with some bass wood, engineering-grade plaster and metal components. This vehicle can serve as transport for an expedition into the wilds, or even as a land battleship in the style of H G Wells and Kipling. It's for sale, so contact me for details!

- kirbycane822(AT)hotmail.com -

Dungeon for sale...

2009-09-27T17:17:00.000-07:00

Dungeon for sale…

Only one master—you!

Approx. 100 pieces that can be mixed and matched into an infinite number of combinations to create your own unique role playing world. Yours for $150.00

Modules are cast from Hirst Arts molds using Merlin's Magic, an extremely hard engineering plaster created especially for the molding hobby.

Pieces include a grand entrance hall, lengths of corridor, an assortment of wall and floor sections to make up different size rooms, passageways and chambers, plus individual components to dress up the dungeon!

The whole system will fit on an average size table.

Sample pieces are shown on display here. Contact the artist via
kirbycane822(AT)hotmail.com
or
314-629-6681
for more information or if you’d like to see the other pieces.

Grand entrance hall, showing some accessories.

The Pool of Doom.

Sarcophagus, with dungeon accessories.

Staircase leading down.

* * * * * * * * * * *
Other items for sale.

A British police box in an alien locale...

Another in an eerie place.

These and more like them will be on display at the Archon art show!
$20 minimum bid.

Coming soon!

2009-01-31T09:49:00.000-08:00

Virginians greet Pennsylvanians with a fiery reception.
*
Coming soon... An innovative publisher who aims to provide wargamers and ImagiNation-eers with the best entertainment to fit their budget!